Being unable to communicate with people on a regular basis leaves me with a lot of time spent talking to myself. I have caught myself on multiple occasions actually carrying out full conversations in my head. This is how crazy people probably start being crazy... no one talks to them, so they start talking to themselves, eventually they get bored of talking to the same person in their head so they put a face (and possibly a name...maybe like Esther or Roberto...just to give you a few random examples) to a voice. Eventually that becomes their own little possy or, in extreme cases, maybe even a small crowd and then we call them crazy. You are witnessing firsthand, that very walk to crazy town. MUAHAHA.
Seriously though... I have had a lot of time in my own head. The most recent of times (that is actually worth sharing with you) that I carried out a conversation with myself was after an excursion I had to take to the Turkish hospital...
I had to get tested for AIDS (Lord knows if I got TB or the mumps or maybe even AIDS in the process). I went with my translator and two men, one was our Turkish driver and the other was one of our Russian administrators. I have found out something about Eastern European people... Unibrows are completely kosher, and in some cases, even attractive. I found this out from our Turkish driver who has a very lovely, very dark unibrow painted across his face. Although they might find it attractive, I think that he looks like the emoji icon that is an angry face... you know the one with the eye brows that point from the inside of the eye ball to the corners of the forehead.
Anyways, the four of us got to the hospital where we tried to find a parking space. There was none, so our driver (the emoji icon) picked an invisible space that was next to a row of cars (also in invisible parking spaces) that blocked 1/4 of the road. He said "careful get out of car" (because we were in the middle of the road of course). There was a line of people (most of whom were coughing, or were going to be coughing by the time they got through the line) wrapping out the door and around the side of the building. I didnt know what to do but was comforted by the Russian administrator who smiled and pushed me through the people and into the hospital waiting room.
Inside it was even more chaotic than outside. There was lines out every door, people running around, babies crying, people coughing, talking, yelling... everything that you think of when you think the word chaotic... it was there. But the Russians seemed completely at home and I think it's because, Tanya (my translator) asked me "Is hospitals in America like ziss?" I said "No, not at all! Are they like this is Russia?" She replied simply, "Worse." and then she smiled.
I hadnt waited for longer than a minute before a man in jeans and a Hawaiian print button down came to take me to my room. He took me back to a large room that was broken into several sections by white curtains. He pointed me into one section and instructed me to sit on the bed. On one side of me I saw a babies leg sticking through a gap in the curtains. On the other I saw shadows of people moving around and what looked like a tray that was protruding into my section. A woman came in and signed for me to clench my fist then she hit my hand and pinned it to the bed and thats how she drew my blood. Then she walked away. The man in jeans came back and took me back out to my ride and we left.
Because everything had just happened so fast I didnt have time to talk to myself (if you were wondering where the conversation in my head came from). Well let me tell you...because I was getting blood tests done, I was told not to eat breakfast, so after that trip to the hospital I was hungry. But, right upon my arrival the team had to do a recovery session in the sauna (I thought recovery was supposed to be in an ice bath?). We were instructed to do 15 minutes in the sauna then 10 minutes in the pool then another 7 minutes in the sauna.
Within 3 minutes of the sauna I began to see little black dots creeping around the outside of my vision. This is where the conversation in my head began..."hmmm, what are those little guys? Maybe there was a few flies that got in when the last person walked in? But no one smells that bad in here. Wait...I think I was the last person in here. Man, I am hungry. OOOOOO wait a sec... I didnt eat, did I? Annnnnnd I just got blood drawn. Yup, those little flies are not flies at all. Yup, there is more of them now as I look around. I dont think thats a good thing. They are starting to dart around now. My eye lids feel kind of heavy... come to think about it, so do my arms. Maybe the sauna is not a good idea... I should go sit outside." I got up to go outside, but the coaches and some of the other girls yelled "NO, NO"
I thought again... "UH, OH... I better take a seat as far away from the heat and as close to the ground as possible, yes sit on the ground... stay away from the heat and if you pass out you wont fall far... ya, ya good idea!" So I sat on the ground. "Man, those flies are multiplying, there sure is a lot of them. OK, so your going to pass out, its not so bad. Lets see, its been 10 minutes, you can make it 5 more minutes! Its like doing a set of Terry's 300's... one minute at a time. Make it 2 minutes then you only have 2 minutes more then you only have 1 minute left (for all of you who have never run a T-Fav workout, thats how I get through it). Minimize your movements and save your energy... I wonder if this is how Stanley Yelnats felt in the book Holes when he was living on that peaches and onions concoction. He probably smelled like it smells in here." Then my eyes closed and I woke up on the floor of the room outside the sauna. It felt much better out there but everyone was yelling in Russian at me. So I smiled and that made everyone stop yelling at me and all was ok! Plus, they took me to breakfast right after, so that was good!
Clearly the conversation I was having with Esther was not exciting enough to keep me awake... now I only talk with Roberto, he is much more interesting! By the way, he says hi to everyone back at home!
Until next time...